Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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