Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
