I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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