Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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