Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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