she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
did i just pee glitter
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
