I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
