we're blogging at a bar
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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