Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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