I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love accidental penises.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
