So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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