yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is the high leading the old right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
