This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
