he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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