Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
