Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
