I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
