so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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