I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
