yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
