please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
