thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
