he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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