My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
