I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
