isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
