He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
