People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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