Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
