I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
