Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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