so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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