I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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