we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
