all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
