This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
