I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can I color on your dick again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
