Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
