How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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