I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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