look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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