U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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