the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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