Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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