R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
