How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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