I need help removing her.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
