I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
