Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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