Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
