She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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